Superman!!!!!!!!!!

Ring Ring Ring Ring. I glanced over at my nightstand and noticed it was 6:30am. Why was my alarm clock going off, it was the weekend? I was sure I didn’t set the alarm clock the night before. I fully intended on sleeping until at least 7:00am, which is the generally the time my three year old comes upstairs and starts jumping on the bed like a Romanian gymnast. So naturally, I leaned over and hit the snooze button (habit I guess). Ring Ring Ring Ring, what the %$#@, I just hit the snooze button. After hitting the snooze button again, I heard a voice from the pillow next to me, “It’s the phone genius”. I didn’t glance over but I’m sure I was getting “The Look” I picked up the phone and managed a very scruffy “What?” I just remember hearing one of my riding buddies yelling something like, “70 degrees, Foliage, Group Ride, Killer Single track, Hill Of Death, Eight of us, Get up, Get dressed, Be at my house, Half Hour, No excuses” Then he hung up. Huh? I thought to myself “Am I dreaming?” Then I heard that familiar voice again, “No you aren’t dreaming, you were just talking out loud, that was your dingbat friend, get out of bed, get ready, and get over there now”. I thought to myself again, “My wife is great” The familiar voice appeared once again, “Yes, your wife is great, you are talking out loud again, get up and get ready because if you don’t, he will keep calling and I’ll never get back to sleep”. Ok, I take that back, my wife is kind of great, but a little selfish too.

The next fifteen minutes were a blur, out of bed, dressed in my coolest Hammer Nutrition gear, camelback filled, three gels and a still frozen waffle for breakfast, brain bucket on, and out the door. I chose my hardtail that day, I was sure there would be plenty of climbing and my hardtail, which is a climbing machine, weighs in at just over 19.4lbs.
I arrived at the meeting place and the gang was already discussing the route. It was decided that this would be approximately a 3 hour ride with tons of climbing and scenery. Less than a 1/3 mile from my front door is a trail that connects to the sweetest network of single track in the area. In the past, I have gone on 7 hour epic mountain bike rides with my tires only hitting pavement to cross the occasional road.

The ride started off uneventful, lots of conversation about annoying wives, kids, and jobs. Note to Leann, I did not complain about you, the kids, or my job. Note to Kim, Kevin did complain about you. Thump, Thump, that was the sound of me throwing Kevin under the bus. Just as we were approaching the trailhead, one of the riders, while reaching for his water bottle, drifted a bit, rubbed tires with someone else, and went right over the bars. He got up quickly and announced he was Ok. After we stopped laughing, I thought to myself “Good, the big crash is out of the way, now all I have to worry about is a mechanical issue” I also remember thinking "I didn't say that out loud did I?" I know I’m an idiot. I don’t know about you, but I would rather experience a pinch flat any day of the week versus taking that all too familiar, over the handlebar ride. Let me explain our little inside joke: it seems whenever we ride at least one person takes a bad fall, one has a major mechanical issue, and one has to leave early. If all three occur, we call it the ‘Tripe Threat”. You never want to experience the “Triple Threat”. The guys are relentless.

The first trail provided us with an ample warm up. It was pretty flat, not too technical, and begged for speed. Being fruitcakes, we gave in and opened it up a bit. After a few miles, we encountered what we locals refer to as, “The Hill Of Death”. This climb is just over 1/2 mile, but is an absolutely lung and heart busting climb. Very, very steep to say the least. Granny gear central. We eventually made it to the top (FYI, I smoked the boys on the climb, just call me Lance) and stopped to take in the views of Mt. Wachusett, Mt. Watatic, and the Monadnock Range. The foliage was beautiful, there were deep reds, vibrant yellows, crisp orange tones, just incredible.

Now was the fun part, the decent. I have ridden this trail hundreds of times. It is very tight, but smooth for the first ¼ mile, very few roots or rocks, just sweet bench-cut single track. It gets tricky about half way down, when the trail takes a sharp right and follows the direct fall line of hill. I did remember that I was riding my hardtail and I had to be a little cautious on the downhill and ride ‘off the seat’ a bit. I also remembered that I would have to brake a little earlier before the sharp right hand turn. The trail was covered in freshly fallen yellow leaves. These leaves seemed to provide a very soft feel. I let the bike go, I was absolutely screaming down this hill. The leaves were crunching beneath the tires and I was giggling like a little kid.

All seemed right in the world even though I lost thousands in my 401K earlier that week. I noticed the right hand turn was coming up, so I started to apply the brakes and my back wheel immediately locked up. Oh no!!!!! Some may think skidding is cool. Skidding is cool when you’re 6 years old and you’re locking up the brakes of your Stingray in the sand at the end of your driveway. Skidding is not cool when you are screaming down a hill on top of wet leaves with trees inches from your handlebars. When you skid, you loose control. Wait a minute, I thought the leaves were dry, yes the top layers of leaves were dry, but the leaves closest to the ground were wet from the morning dew. I didn’t panic, I’ve been in this situation may times before; I let off the brakes, shifted my weight and reapplied the brakes. More skidding. Oh $%&@, now it is time to panic. The turn was fast approaching; I was skidding, then accelerating whenever I let off the brakes, then skidding, and so on.

Remember when I said the trail followed the fall line after the turn? Ok, good memory. For all you cross country runners out there, what do they place on trails that follow the fall line to limit erosion? Guesses? Ok, I will tell you, they place water dams. What is a water dam you ask. Well, a water dam is a log semi buried in ground and placed at a slight angle so when water is running down a trail, it hits the water dam and is directed off the trail. The first water dam is located right at the apex of the corner and is placed at a forty-five degree angle. This water dam had about 6 inches sticking out of the ground.

Ok, picture this, a knucklehead screaming down a trail of wet leaves, wearing spandex that is way too tight, contemplating if he should lay the bike down or go for it……….all the while having his life flash before his eyes. Ok, here is the payoff. I didn’t lay the bike down, I decided (hoped, prayed, thought, wished, etc...) I could make the turn. I entered the turn way too fast and too high. I attempted to lift my front tire over the water dam, but it was too damn difficult because my front brakes were applied. I figured the slower I am going to softer the crash would be, so I kept applying my brakes. I did get my front tire up, but not exactly over the log. When I lifted the tire up, of course it stopped rolling because the brakes were applied (MTB 101, Duh!!!!). My front tire landed on top of the angled log, which was wet and very slippery. Guess what happens when a locked up wheel hits an angled, wet log? You guessed it, wash out. Before I had time to react, my handlebars were touching the ground and I was doing my best flying Superman impression. I remember thinking, “Please don’t hit a tree, please don’t hit a tree” Well, I hit a tree. Actually, I performed a textbook flying left shoulder block. The problem was that this flying shoulder block was performed on a large oak tree. Spandex vs. Oak. The smart money goes on the Oak Tree.

From what I remember, it really didn’t hurt too much. After a quick inventory, I jumped to my feet to see if anyone saw that yard sale. Most of them saw everything, and were in disbelief that my shoulder was still attached to my body. They laughed, they busted my chops, and it was just what I expected. I checked my bike over and just a few battle scars. Note to everyone, battle scars on you bike look cool, battle scars on your forearms do not.

One of my buddies yelled out, “That could have been a triple threat”. As I was brushing off, and collecting what was left of my ego, I stated, “Not today boys, a flying shoulder block into an oak tree ain’t stoppin’ this kid”. Needless to say, I rode pretty cautiously and in the middle of the pack for the rest of the ride. Three hour rides rock!!!!!!

I woke up the next morning feeling a little sore. I really thought my shoulder would feel worse than it did. It was another beautiful Fall day, sunny and in the 60’s. I didn’t have work on Monday (Columbus Day) so I decided to go back to the scene of the crash and ride the trail again. I really wanted to see where things went bad. I climbed the “Hill of Death” and started my decent. On the decent, I rode as slow as I could, I was in total control. When I came to the right hand turn, I noticed something hanging on the tree that I shoulder blocked the day before. Attached to the tree, was a bright neon orange poster with a picture of me on it, which stated, “If You See This Man, Tell Him To Leave Me Alone”. My friends are the best.

My friend was filming with his helmet-cam, here is a link to the video of the crash. Enjoy!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJXU7EVXs2A